One at a time, I was given each of you at the hospital and I fed you for the first time. It was strange and wonderful and stressful and confusing. You were so small and got tired so fast. You would last only a few minutes before falling asleep. Your dad would tickle your feet and rub your head, while I held you and myself and tried to get it right. It was hard for all of us.

We brought you both home and every two hours continued until we got approved from the doctor to let you go longer overnight. You both cried, I cried and then wed do it all over again. I wondered if I would be able to feed both of you and if you were gaining enough weight and if we would need to supplement. I pumped and gave you pumped milk overnight, when I was tapped out from nursing for the 8th time in the past hour. I hoped I wouldnt run out of what I was producing.

Time went by and things got a little easier. You slept longer stretches, you learned head control and stayed awake to eat. We got in a routine and you both could eat at the same time. Then, I went back to work.

I pumped. And pumped. And fed you. And pumped more. And woke up to pump. And checked ounces and used the calculator on my phone and all the milk storage apps. I again was fearful I would run out.

But here we are. A year has passed and somehow through all of our struggles and learning and depending on each other has led to us making this work. I am so very proud of each of you for learning with me and being as patient as your little souls, hearts and stomachs could be. I am so excited for the next part of our journey. The one where the stress and worry are gone and this is just for comfort and sleeps and tears. Just for love. Congratulations my sweet girls and I love you always and will always cherish this time we have had.