Today is the last day I will be home with them. The last day I will be here for everything. Until tomorrow morning, I will have been home to see and experience every moment of their existence and then I won’t. We are going to have the best day possible and there are no single words to express having to leave a child, but I also feel glad to go back as well. I started my masters degree to better myself and at the time, I believed I may never have children. I chose not to remain stagnant in the wishing, but to move forward in another way. I want my girls to know that even when it is hard, it is important to finish something you start. I want my girls to see that I am affecting change in our community and world and making it a better place by helping hurting, confused people beyond our home and I want them to see that and feel that they are capable of doing the same, if they choose to. I want to empower my daughters to be able to choose whatever they want for themselves and I want to show this by modeling it to them. While this time in my life is hard personally, I believe that I will be able to become a better person and in turn, a better parent by affecting positive change in the hearts and minds of others and helping to create a better world for them in the future and a feeling of empowerment in them that will grow as they do. Today though, on our last day, I will take in every minute in my heart and memory and appreciate the time where we were each others daily everything.
7AM-we woke up and you both were super happy, as usual, and were close to each other and holding each other. We spoke to your grandparents on video chat.
730AM- you both nursed and then ate a bunch of oatmeal mixed with apples until you were full. This was your first meal in your high chairs and it was so nice! I let you sit and watch a vocabulary show while you digested all that food.
8AM- We all played in your play room. You both are such good sitters and can sit around a toy and play. You did this for about twenty minutes and didnt fall once! Caelyn, you were done with sitting and wanted to play on your belly and Kira, you kept playing with the toy and were sitting well enough that I trusted you to be ok if I stood up and started coffee. I held both of you individually as we prepared for nap and took a few minutes each to close my eyes and feel how little you are and how well your arms fit around my neck and your head fits in that favorite shoulder spot. I told you I love you so much and that I hope you don’t ever forget for a second.
850AM- You both napped. I laid Kira down first, then Caelyn. You cried for about thirty seconds and then slept. You sleep in your sleep sacks still and Kiras is yellow and orange floral and Caelyn is wearing a purple Aztec pattern. I chose the cutest ones I could from what they had, so dont judge me if you ever read this;)
1050AM- you got up and were both super smiley and happy to see me.
11AM- nursed again and then get ready to meet a friend.
1115AM- Kira, you got sick in your carseat very badly and we pulled back into the garage we just left. I got you cleaned up and wore you until you were ready to nurse again and fall asleep. We cancelled our plans and I cleaned up the car seat throughout the day.
On and off naps and feeding.
2PM- Caelyn, you had your PT, Holly, come to see you today while Kira slept. You love her and are doing amazing! We got more stretches and exercises to do.
4PM- eat and nap again and back on schedule.
550PM- quick shower for mom
615PM- bath for Caelyn first and then Kira. Caelyn, you snuck a swallow of bath water. You love drinking water from a cup and had to get a taste of the bath apparently.
645PM- last long feed before bed. I stroked your soft spot on your head and we took a moment all together while I put my head real close and could hear you both breathing and swallowing in your sleep. Today was crazy, but I’ve loved the crazy and always will.
our miller life 