I went for the ultrasound today and I was so scared that there wouldn’t be anything there, or I would have had an early miscarriage. I hadn’t felt any morning sickness at this point and thought this was a bad sign. BUT apparently not, because we have TWO babies growing right now!

I was in complete shock and it took me a bit to process. I stopped breathing and the doctor needed to remind me to breathe. Once I did, I started hyperventilating and needed another quick reminder from her. She said there is a small chance that both of them might not make it and one MIGHT get absorbed or not develop between now and my next ultrasound on the 1st, BUT we are planning on them both sticking around:)

I told Chris and apparently he knew we would have twins and never bothered to tell me, so there ya go. He was more prepared than I was for this surprise.

I don’t know if it is psychological or not, but a few days after this scan, I started getting some pretty bad day time nausea and my appetite hasn’t been there. Nothing smells, tastes or looks good, but I’m told that the prenatal is all they need for now if I cant eat enough right now. I also feel a little bit better, because I have been SUPER bloated and already have a belly at 7 weeks. I know its not the babies, but apparently twins cause the uterus to get bigger much faster in the beginning and the bloating with twins can be super intense.

Babies,

Well yall sure pulled a fast one on me! I cant believe there are two of you in there! I have been super tired and these past few days of work have been rough, but I’m hoping this means my little raspberries are growing good. I was prepared for one baby, but now I have a whole set of things to think about. How will we set up your room? how I will be able to breastfeed, love on you equally and make sure you each get from me what you individually need? I hope I don’t let you down and if you ever read this, I promise that I love each of you and will do my best for each of you as individual people.

Mom

We were in vacation in Florida and the way my cycle was timed, we would have missed the second monitoring appointment by two days. I had done three cycles of pills, shots, multiple daily morning appointments and tracking of cycles. They monitor you and time every step and we were leaving for Florida before the second monitoring step. The third cycle was very hard on me because I had a good feeling and it did not work, so I was upset we were going to be missing one.

On August 8th, I had not gotten my period yet and bought a pregnancy test, that would allow me to get a prescription for provera, which would make me have a period and allow us to do another cycle with treatment. I did the thing August 9th before work and by the time I put the stick down, it was positive.

I was in absolute shock and took a few seconds of staring at it before it triggering in my brain. We hadn’t done a cycle and yet, here it was. After years, I couldn’t believe it. I decided to wait to tell Chris, because I didn’t want to tell him and have it not be true. I scheduled an appointment with my fertility doctor the next day and a blood test confirmed I was “very pregnant”, according to my HCG levels.

I told Chris when I got home on the 10th and I think he was dumbfounded too, because his response was that he needed to clean the basement and the spare room. I had scheduled an ultrasound for the 17th and unfortunately, Chris was unable to take off of work. He has been catching up at work after our vacation, BUT he was able to take our FIRST belly pic!!

Chris and I decided to wait to tell everyone until my parents arrive on August 31st. Mostly, I want to be able to tell them in person, but at each step of the way, I feel nervous that this is the end. I was afraid that I wasn’t actually pregnant, then that there was something wrong with the baby at the ultrasound. BUT if your reading this, it means my parents are here and we are sharing:)

 

 

Baby,

I am so excited to meet you! I was not expecting you right now, because you surprised me, but we are so ready to have you here! I have been dreaming about and loving you for so long that I am excited and scared. I just found out about you and I already worry that you are ok, that you are growing well, that I am giving you a good place to live, etc. I worry that something will go wrong, but I am doing my best to stay hopeful.

You haven’t given me any morning sickness so far and so far, I just feel bloated and a few other symptoms I know you won’t want to know. Your dad is a little scared right now, even though he wont admit it, but he is a great person and I cant wait for you to get to know him the way I know him. I know he will do his very best to provide for you and support me with being your mom. I love you baby.

Mom

 

 

I had some frustrations that happened back in December and led to our current situation. During our testing, we found out that I was not immune to the rubella vaccination in the MMR that I received at a child and would either need to get the vaccination again, or sign a waiver with the fertility clinic. Of course I don’t want to put any potential child at risk, so I made an appointment at my primary care doctor. After a horrible experience, we had to wait 30 days before starting any cycle. Since my body came to the point where we would have to start a cycle before the 30 days, we have to wait until by body reaches that point the next time.

Baby,

I think about you almost every day and I hope and pray that I will be able to meet you one day. I have times that I fear that I will never get to experience motherhood and get to see you grow, learn and become the amazing person that I know you will be. Your father is very nervous about lots of things right now and is mostly nervous about money and owning our own house that we can raise you in. We both moved a lot when we were growing up and we want to be able to gift you a home that you can come back to when you grow up and live your own adult life. We are working on that right now too, but I hope that we can find out you are coming soon, since we have no idea how much longer we will have to wait. What I do know is that every second is worth it and you are very much loved already. I hope I will be able to treat you the way you deserve and I have been planning and getting myself ready for it already.

Mommy

Along with any journey to attempt to have a baby, there are waves of emotions. Unfortunately, I am one of the 20 percent of people that struggle with infertility. What only a few people know is that my first husband and I had tried to have a child for 2 years and went through fertility testing before he left and because of that, Chris and I underwent fertility testing shortly before we were married. We planned to start trying shortly after being married and the testing concluded that we needed to first try stimulated ovulation. While we have not started this yet, there are already emotions starting for me, because of the long path I have traveled and Chris and I have just began to travel together.